Peace

Today I leave my parent's home. Now, it is only my father's home. It will be difficult to leave.

I am so happy that I have been able to be here for my dad, to help him transition towards his new life. A life without my mother. I was able to take calls for him, clean his house, do his laundry, cook his meals, take care of his dog, and make my mother's final arrangements with him.

This morning, I got out the dusty crock-pot from the bottom kitchen cupboard and left him the recipe book. I reminded him of the many, many times I called my mother whenever I needed help in cooking. It made him feel better to hear my 'permission' to call me for cooking tips whenever he needed.

Yesterday, my husband and I stopped at the local LA Fitness Club to purchase a membership for my dad. He expressed interest in swimming so we thought it would be a great outlet for my father. He will be able swim, lift weights, work with a personal trainer, and most importantly work out his grief in a healthy way.

Last night when we surprised him with his new gym bag and membership card he nearly broke down in tears. He's excited and a smile came to his face. To me, his expression was priceless. I know when I leave later today it will not be easy. Dad will be in his home alone for the very first time in over 57 years. Tonight when the sun sets behind the mountains and the desert becomes cold, it will be hard on him. Sounds of Dad's silent house will scream out at him, and he will grieve greatly. It is no comfort, but I know this is all part of the process. However difficult, my father must go through it.

I will try not to cry when I say "Good-by." Easier said than done, I'm sure. But I will be back to visit him soon. I know my brothers will watch over him during the Christmas season too, and on his birthday, December 25th. Every day I will call him. In my heart I feel my mother is watching over him from above.

Tomorrow may be harder for me. But today I feel at peace. I know I've done all I can.

For now.