I can't believe it's been over a week since I posted an entry onto this blog. I've felt guilty about it but but I've been so sick that writing was the last thing on my mind.
Unfortunately, I came down with the flu. It has not been a fun week, to say the least! Although I tried to prevent this miserable malady by obtaining a flu shot last October, an alternative strain invaded my body. How lucky for the virus; how unlucky for me! Thankfully, I have a wonderful, loving husband who gave me the best care I could have ever wished for, without a single complaint on his part. What would I have done without him? I'm so glad I don't have to know.
My body was probably vulnerable due to all of the stress I endured these past few months. As you all know, December was a particularly 'bad' month for me. Shortly after the first of the year, when all of the holiday hoopla was over, my immune system seemingly just gave out. My body and brain needed a rest. I admit it: if I hadn't felt so sick I might have even enjoyed staying in bed. As it was, I couldn't wait to feel well enough to get out of it!
Now, in only a few short days I leave for Arizona again. This Saturday, in fact. Although I'm looking forward to seeing my father and my other relatives who live there, I have a lot of anxiety about the trip. For one, it is gong to be very unsettling to walk into my 'parent's' house for the first time since my mother died there. I know everything will be just as I left it on December 5th. My eyes will likely focus on my mother's favorite chair the moment I walk in the wooden front door. The chair that she died in. I'm hoping I can somehow take comfort in it. Perhaps I'll be able to sit there late one night in the desert darkness to feel her presence: a good thing.
I doubt if my father has removed Mom's 'perfect' Christmas tree from the fireplace hearth. This will probably be one of the first things I must do. Perhaps I'll turn on the creamy, white lights one last time; hoping to see the perfectly shaped tree through my mother's former eyes. She enjoyed it for such a short time but I know it meant a great deal to her. I often wonder if she knew she'd never live to actually see it on Christmas day? I guess it doesn't matter. The fact that she did see it, and was able to submerge herself it all it's newness and grace is what matters to me now.
It will be difficult to 'remove' much of my mother's entity from the house that now belongs only to my father. After all, they shared this home for over twenty years. A lot of my mother remains there. Like most married couple's homes, it has the woman's 'touch' throughout each and every room. From the outside front door to the back yard gardens, much of my mother lingers there. Somehow God will give me the strength to do what needs to be done. God and my sister, Brenda. She will be there to help me as she was in the past. Together, we will get through it.
Life goes on.......
